when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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