im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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