i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
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Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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