Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize