awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize