i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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