discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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