my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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