i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He has the fingertips of a God
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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