Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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