I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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