Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pants are for mortals
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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