hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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