Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I love having hate sex.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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