nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize