Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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