I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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