gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize