He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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