yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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