in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
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the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
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