I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize