people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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