He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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