I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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