That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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