We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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