I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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