I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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