dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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