I think my vagina is haunted
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she looked like the before picture.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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