just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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