Your face is a jimmy john
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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