put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize