so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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