if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize