Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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