She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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