On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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