She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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