this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She needs sedatives and a leash
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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