my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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