I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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