dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize