Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
oh god the rape fog is back!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize