Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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