I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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