apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize