Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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