I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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